Discovering you belong to a minority sexual orientation, of Asexuality, (a sexual orientation that is the lack of sexual attraction to any gender), can be both freeing and scary, as well as damn right lonely. You have to shed the previous version of who society thought you should be and start living who you truly are. But in a highly sexualised world, it can be so difficult to navigate just how to do that. You feel lost, alone, disconnected, and like no one understands you… and that in turn leads to a feeling of sadness, unhappiness, and despair. It feels like it’s not okay to be you, and there must be something wrong with you. But there isn’t …

Feeling unhappy and sad

If You Ignore The Feeling Of Isolation, Of Disconnection, Of Loneliness, And Sadness, It Just Gets Worse!

What most people do when feeling lonely, isolated, disconnected, and sad, they talk to their friends, their family, their loved ones, a therapist, or a medical professional. But for most asexuals, there are 5 main reasons, none of that usually works.

Many families don’t accept asexuality is real. Those that do accept it don’t fully understand it. (So you’re still left feeling lonely and misunderstood.)
Friends will often dismiss it, saying you just haven’t found the right person for you yet. (Making you feel misunderstood and invalidated.) Some friends will even feel so uncomfortable, that they change the subject. (And then you feel you can’t be yourself.)
Loved ones may not even know you are asexual. They may be really hard to approach. It could cause confrontation. Those who do accept asexuality, and have an understanding towards you, still don’t fully understand asexuality, itself. (So you feel disconnected, alone, and miserable.)
Some therapists don’t accept asexuality and give really bad advice. They won’t even entertain the idea of asexuality, or encourage you to be yourself. Those who do accept it still don’t fully understand it. (So you know no matter what you say, they’ll never really get you. And the loneliness and pain just continues to build, as you’re deeply misunderstood.)
Many medical professionals still don’t accept asexuality is real. They think there’s something wrong with your hormones, or your genitalia, or that it’s a result of trauma. Those who do accept it, still usually look at it with a clinical mind. So when you’re talking about your asexuality, they just sit there in deadly silence, and it’s that silence that says it all… (So you continue to feel isolated and in emotional pain.)

If You Do Nothing, You reach Breaking Point!

Does this sound familiar? You’ve discovered you’re asexual and you’re overjoyed at the fact you’re not alone, but when you initially get all excited about it, that soon wears off, and you are left thinking about how much people go on about sex in the world… How wonderful sex is… How you must have sex in order to have a loving, happy, and healthy relationship… And you’re scared how people will react when you tell them your news…

Or, you discover you’re asexual, and you don’t feel overjoyed, you feel sad. Sad you will never be able to have a “proper” relationship like everyone else… or so you are lead to believe. You are panicking and feel like you are having an identity crisis, as you are no longer who everyone else, even maybe yourself, thought you were… hetero, or something else… sexual. You struggle to know where exactly you do fit into society any more. No one will understand this new you. It’s hard for you to even understand it yourself. And what on earth is the Asexual Spectrum? Aren’t all asexuals… well… asexual? Where do you fall on the spectrum? What is the asexuality spectrum? Where do you find people like you? How do you navigate this world, knowing what you now know about yourself?… You just don’t know anymore and you feel like there is no hope… You want to get help. But you have exhausted every other method… except one! You found me… Your Asexuality Coach, Sandra Bellamy.

My expertise lies in helping asexuals to become comfortable and confident with their asexuality and their life as an asexual person, in a highly sexualised world. Giving asexuals the tools, resources, and confidence, to not just survive, but to truly thrive and flourish in the highly sexualised world we live in.

So if you’re looking for an asexual coach or asexuality coach, someone who can help you to gain clarity and confidence with your asexuality, friendships, dating and relationships, I’m that person.

But… I am not one of those people who just talks about asexuality, without being asexual, and/or, who just give textbook definitions of it. I am asexual myself. I educate about asexuality in real life contexts, through sharing my own asexual life journey, in order to help you in yours, on my Asexualise My Asexualise Life, Asexual YouTube daily chat show. Some call me an asexual activist, I like to call myself an asexual ambassador, or an asexuality ambassador.

I discovered my asexuality in March 2014. I would like to say it was a joyous experience… And to actually discover there are people like me, was just an incredible feeling like no other. And I will never forget that moment for the rest of my life. It felt so freeing, so relieving, so amazing. To discover I am not the only one, who wants, and is able to, live a happy life without sex. And there are others like me, who do desire a romantic relationship, without sex ever. But… I had to endure a ‘professionally’ qualified counsellor, telling me, I would “have to have sex in order to keep a good guy”, if I wanted to be in a romantic relationship. I went home very distraught and upset, even a bit angry… how could that be a good guy if he would require me to do something I didn’t want to do, in order to keep him and his love. How is that loving? How is that right?… That is like a license for rape… I was disgusted. I went home and Googled ‘I love kissing but not sex’, and that is how I discovered asexuality. I was no longer the only one in the entire world, planet and universe, who feels this way. There are others like me, and I was no longer alone, and feeling like an alien in this world, who didn’t belong. I was so happy!

You can view my personal story of how I discovered I am asexual in the video below, or here https://youtu.be/OQ6pZDwW-Yc

At that time, I had no idea I would go on to help asexuals all over the globe and across the asexual spectrum, to be comfortable and confident with their asexuality, and to educate others.

I had no idea I would:

Hold in person asexual meetups in my city – In January 2015, I held my first ever asexual meetup.
On October 15th 2015, for Asexual Awareness Week, I officially launched my Asexualise My Asexual Life channel. (Don’t forget to subscribe.)
Which in July 2018, turned into a daily asexual live stream, and interactive chat show for asexuals.
July 2018, was also the same month I was an asexual speaker at the UK Asexuality Conference. It was on 8th July, 2018, in London, to be precise.

And that same day was when I first officially launched my Asexualise Academy. Which is the World’s First Online Training Centre And School For Asexuals And Asexuality.

I have been featured on BBC Radio twice: With Graham Torrington, who used to do the famous “Late Night Love” show, and with Jeremy Vine, on the Jeremy Vine Show.

In the Daily Mirror, Daily Mail, and Femedic. As well as New Inceptions, Freestyle Your Life, and Straight Up Gay, Podcasts.

I was also interviewed about asexuality for a sexuality show with Sex Coach Diane, in this video below. Or you can watch it here https://youtu.be/OBBvHyR2QKw

You don’t have to do this alone!

If you are fed up with feeling lost, alone, and in despair, and you want someone who is asexual, who will understand you, and help you to break free of the societal chains that have been enslaving you for so long…

Look no further. I am the Asexual Coach you’ve been looking for all your life… but never knew it.

Sandra Bellamy is an Asexual Coach.

Specialising in all aspects of asexuality:

Dating.

Forming healthy relationships – With both Asexuals and Allosexuals.

Building lasting friendships.

Life: Navigating, and thriving, in the highly sexualised world we live in.

Helping Asexuals to:

Understand the asexual spectrum and help them to identify where they fit within it.
Come to terms with their asexuality and how this impacts their life.
Become confident and comfortable with their asexuality. Give you the tools you need to be strong, so it doesn’t matter what others say.
Feel supported when coming out to family, friends and others. Discover effective ways of doing this that make it less daunting.

Learn ways to effectively cope in this highly sexualised world.
Better understand relationships and dating and how they work. And what that will look like personally for you.
What you can do to develop and grow yourself, so you are better able to handle a relationship, either with another asexual or an allosexual.
Understand what a sexual relationship would look like, and how that would work for you as an asexual if you wanted to be with an allosexual who wants sex. Exploring body, mind, and soul preparation, and creating an action plan, so you feel more confident about this.
Learn how to effectively communicate with a partner or potential partner, to ensure boundaries and needs are met with each other.
Learn how to negotiate sexual and asexuals needs with a partner or potential partner, without blaming the other, and to respect each other’s identities.
Learn how to comprise in relationships, without compromising who you are as a person.
Understand how an asexual could have sex in a relationship if they wanted to, while still having boundaries that make you feel safe.
Understand how a sexual could refrain from having sex in a relationship, monogamous or otherwise. And how that would work for them.
Explore other sexual acts you could do besides intercourse, that you might enjoy, in an asexual/allosexual relationship.
Explore different forms of intimacy to ensure your needs are met in an asexual/allosexual relationship.
In cases of asexual with allosexual relationship, coaching you both/all together can be more effective. So I can see the dynamic of how you work together and take into account each other’s needs when helping you. If you prefer coaching one-to-one only, I completely understand and I am here for you.
Learn how to deal with rejection more effectively so you are not stuck on one person who may be toxic for you.
Recognising when it’s time to call it quits on a relationship or potential relationship, after every other avenue has been explored.

How to effectively manage anxiety so you can quickly recover.
Learn how to reduce depression or free yourself from it forever.
How to make progress in your life, despite your mental health difficulties. Learn ways and techniques, how to manage those more effectively.
Learn how to come to terms with autism (if you have it) and how you could still be in a relationship if you are autistic.
How to effectively communicate with a partner or potential partner if you are autistic or on the autistic spectrum.
How to have a relationship, with a disability. (I have fibromyalgia, so I know how hard it is to be physically close if you are in pain. Let’s explore what could work well for you and them.)

(Allosexuals = those who are not asexual.)

What qualifies me to be an Asexual Coach?

I am Asexual.
I was in heterosexual relationships for half my life – and had sex.
I am currently on both asexual and traditional “allosexual” dating sites/groups. I have first hand experience of what you are going through.
I have been coaching asexuals on my Asexualise channel for almost 5 years.
I run 5 asexual groups on Facebook, including 3 for dating and 1 for making asexual friends.
I have lived experience of depression and anxiety.
I have a disability.
I have had lots of counselling in the past, and learnt a lot about different and effective coping skills.
8 years of personal and professional development training, from some of the world’s greatest thought-leaders.
Completed a weekend Life Coaching course with the Coaching Academy. Learnt the basics of NLP as part of that weekend and used it to change my life.
Got a certificate in Basic Counselling Skills at Exeter College.
Have taken courses to grow and develop my own life skills. And always continuously doing so.

Ever had counselling or therapy from someone who doesn’t have experience of what they are talking about and they make you feel worse? I know I have.

They may have a piece of paper to their name. But they don’t have the life experience to go with it. They read from textbooks, and try to fit you into a box, that just doesn’t work! I have been there and done that. And it made my anxiety worse. I felt myself tipping back into depression which I thankfully freed myself of 2012. It became that bad, I had to walk away.

You heard my story, about how I found out I am asexual. When a counsellor told me that I had to have sex in order to keep a good guy. I was horrified. Went home. Google I love kissing but not sex, and here I am, 6 years later. Helping other asexuals, with their dating, relationships, friendships, and life. Helping those with asexual partners and relations, to understand them better.

My mission is to get asexuality recognised as a sexual orientation throughout the globe, so that the stigma of those not experiencing sexual attraction, is dropped, and no asexual has to live in fear of ridicule ever again. Also for asexuals and allosexuals to understand each other better, to create more deep and harmonious relationships with each other.

Counsellors have their place and so do coaches who just have a piece of paper to their name. But I believe the coaches that make the long-lasting and effective changes for their clients, are the ones who have experienced what their clients are going through and can help them with their first-hand experience because they already know what works and doesn’t work.

My coaching technique is modern, using both exploratory questions and giving advice and guidance that you can put into action immediately, to start seeing the results you need.

Some people may only need one coaching session, but usually you should expect to be having coaching ongoing for 3-6 months, especially if you are in a mixed orientation relationship and that is the major problem for you. Like anything in life. You get out what you put in. If you don’t put in the time, money, energy and effort, that says a lot about how much you really want to solve the problem. If you keep doing what you are doing, you will keep getting the same results. So if you want true life change, hire me as your Asexual Coach right now. Message me to see if we would be a great fit to work together or not. Click the chat bubble, message me, and let’s chat about it now! Or email me, asexualise@gmail.com

Want To Know More About Your Asexual Coach?

I write Quirky Books that change lives and have been blogging at www.quirkybooks.wordpress.com for 10 years on November 8th 2020. And in 2017, a writing dream came true… I registered Quirky Books as an official publishing imprint in the UK. I was so thrilled. Writing is my hugest passion of my life, followed very closely by asexuality, and that was the same year I published my first book for asexuals called Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity under my own imprint of Quirky Books. This means you can get this book from Amazon or order it from any good book store.

Order Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, here https://amzn.to/2Jqmedk

Quirky Books was a blog I started to find my writing voice, and to help other writers to write better and enjoy the writing process more. All the whilst embracing your quirky. It was also my goal to have my own publishing company with that name. And I was known online as Quirky, before becoming known as the Asexual Entrepreneur, Asexualise, and ACE Fibro Girl. I have 5 books published on Amazon, two of which are also in print, not just in Kindle. It’s the print versions you can order from any good book store.

But why am I known as the Asexual Entrepreneur?

Because I am asexual and an entrepreneur. I have been in entrepreneurship since 2012. And I have invested a lot of money in myself and my businesses, which stands at thousands of pounds, going to entrepreneurial seminars, and on courses, to learn business, life, personal and professional development skills.

And, yes… you did see the above correctly. I really did get to meet HM The Queen at St James’s Palace!

Entrepreneurs and Authors on the bottom row of photos from left to right, are: Andrew Matthews, Andy Harrington, and Brad Burton!

And this was the glorious moment I got to unbox my first ever book in print. And Quirky Books imprint was official!

I own my own publishing imprint, Quirky Books, as mentioned above. I am a published Author and Writer. Order Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, here https://amzn.to/2Jqmedk

I am also the founder, course creator, and trainer, at Asexualise Academy.

I’m a social media specialist and I do all the social media marketing for my own brands. I build my own websites using WordPress.

I used to work for a business owner, who owned 4 shops, and taught him how to use Facebook for his business. I also worked for the NHS teaching social media for the recovery of mental ill health. And had some private clients too. This is what I was doing before I decided to focus more on Asexuality, and helping people with their life, dating, and relationships.

I also do some affiliate marketing, and I’m a specialist in social media marketing and automation.

I have plans to officially launch a new entrepreneurial brand in 2021, and to help more people with their mindset and marketing.

I am also a designer, and design merch for asexuals at www.redbubble.com/people/asexualise/shop

I have 60 designs, and here are 3 of my designs, worn by my best friend and asexual non-binary model Sam:

SaveSave

Why ACE Fibro Girl?

Great question. So glad you asked… ACE is the nickname/slang term for asexual.

Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain condition that affects the nerves and muscles of the body. I was diagnosed with this unseen disability in January 2012. And after taking 6 months to come to terms with the fact I have a disability for life. ~ I stopped being depressed. My fibromyalgia freed me from depression that I had since being a small child.

And in 2019, I published this Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook, sharing my very deep and personal autobiographical account of just how that happened. I share the secrets of why I have so much more energy, happiness, and less pain, than many others with the condition. And how anyone who has fibromyalgia can decrease their pain in 25 aspects of their life, to have less overall pain, more energy, and feel happier.

This book also helps to free you of depression and decrease your anxiety, even if you don’t have fibromyalgia. In fact, it’s a personal and professional development book, disguised as a fibro book. It’s everything I have learnt in my own personal and professional development life journey since 2012, to have less pain, more energy, and feel happier. And this book explains how it can be applied to your own life, so you too, can be happier, have more energy, and less emotional, mental, and physical pain.

Shop here for Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook! https://amzn.to/2QZSR3H

Fibro self help book — Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook. Get it now here https://amzn.to/2QZSR3H

Oh, and… I REALLY am ACE Fibro Girl! Yes, if you go to Amazon right now, you can see me on the back cover of the print edition of Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook, as my superhero self. Go right now to https://amzn.to/2QZSR3H and be your own superhero and save yourself from pain, by ordering a copy of this book!

What Is Quirky Books Asexual Author And Asexual Coach Working On NOW, To Help YOU?

And I’m now working hard on finishing writing my latest book for asexuals called Asexual Guide To Sex… like Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories book, I have interviewed real life asexuals for this book. The difference being, that all of these asexual have had sex before, some are still having it.

As asexuals are a recorded 1% of the population, it’s fairly logical to expect that some will end up in relationships with sexuals – those who do like sex. Sexual behaviour is not the same as sexual attraction. Therefore some asexuals participate in sex, while not experiencing any sexual attraction, others are indifferent to sex, many asexuals are sex repulsed and don’t want anything to do with sex. Some are just curious, or questioning about what it would be like for an asexual to have sex, even if they don’t necessarily want to try it themselves. And some asexuals who are thinking about trying sex for the first time, really need help to make an informed choice and decision, if that would be the right thing for them to personally do or not. Others have arranged marriages and are scared they are getting married to a sexual and don’t know what to expect. I will spell it out, that NO ASEXUAL SHOULD HAVE SEX IF THEY DON’T WANT TO. And if you get married, that person does not own your body, it’s your choice to have sex or not.

Asexual Guide To Sex, is the most hotly anticipated book of 2020. If you are one of the many who desperately want this book and are waiting for it to be published, I am working hard on getting that finished, and published by Christmas 2020. Hit me up on chat and I can add you to the Asexual Guide To Sex launch list, and you will get an email as soon as it’s published. Usually the Ebook comes out first. Followed 3-4 weeks later by the print book.

So from March 2014, to present day. I am an Asexual Author, Asexual Speaker, Asexual Trainer, Asexual Dating Coach and Mentor. I specialise in Asexuality, Dating and Relationships. But…

In 2019, I Had A Revolutionary Crazy Idea!

In 2019, I noticed I had more and more sexuals asking for my help with their relationships. Some were with asexuals and other’s weren’t.

I realised more and more, that whilst being fully asexual in the sense I experience no sexual attraction whatsoever, and whilst definitely being heteroromantic, as I only experience attraction for guys, just not sexual, and in my case NOT platonic – I don’t fit into a neat and tidy, asexual box. The fact I don’t experience platonic attraction at all, whilst most asexuals do, should be a giveaway that I am different.

Not experiencing any platonic attraction, means with someone I am highly aesthetically and romantically attracted to, I jump straight to those feelings, when I only just met them. This could even be virtually through text alone. That requires a lot of management of those feelings and emotions, so as not to make rash decisions based on those initial feelings.

I can also feel different types of attractions for my closest fiends. So one I can feel romance for, without feeling too much aesthetic attraction, or another, I can think is aesthetically attractive without feeling romance, or another I can be spiritually attracted too, or another creatively attracted to, or another intelligently attracted to… do you see how this works?

I am also different because:

I am a hyper-romantic, I look at most of my conversations with guys I am romantically attracted to in some way, though rose-tinted glasses. I also see many things in the world, from a romantic viewpoint. I usually self-date, and even feel romantic and loved up with myself almost 24/7 – which is the upside!

I have the grey area of kissing, which is sexual in behaviour, despite experiencing no sexual attraction. I can even make noises like I am having sex, when I kiss in private, but I have no desire to have sex whatsoever.

I have high levels of arousal, but zero sexual attraction.

My dancing can be sexy in behaviour, yet I have zero sexual attraction.

I can kiss a guy I have only just met, if I am highly aesthetically attracted to him, and I choose to, and feel safe and secure enough to do so. Such as in a public club, where there are security guards and I book myself a taxi to go home alone. (Many asexuals prefer to cuddle than kiss.)

I love clubbing, Even if sexual guys are present. (Many asexuals can’t stand this.) In fact I allow myself to kiss sexual guys in my favourite club, if I want to.

I can tongue kiss for up to 3 hours and the time just flies by. I prefer to kiss with my clothes on. (Many asexuals don’t like much kissing.)

I have no problem sitting on a guy’s lap or in-between his legs, if I am in a relationship, or even sometimes dating too. So long as he is clothed. (Some asexuals don’t like such close body contact. Especially not in public!)

I am happy to be bodies intertwined with clothes on, when sat on a bed, with a guy I am preferably in a relationship with. With no desire for sex on my part, whatsoever.

I can happily, kiss, lick and suck a guy’s chest/nipples, if I am in a relationship with him. I am not interested in him doing that to me. I am happy to touch a guy’s chest on the dance floor, if he likes.

Public displays of affection are a relationship or date deal breaker for me. I have to have public displays of affection. Or I don’t want that date or relationship. I feel like a caged animal if I don’t have lots of PDA. (Whereas some asexuals hate PDA, and it’s their worst nightmare.)

I can be erogenous with the upper part of a guy’s body, and by sitting in-between his legs or on his lap, without being sexually attracted to him.

I can display some erogenous and sexy behaviour, despite not experiencing any sexual attraction at all.

I can often be seen as too sexual in behaviour for many heteroromantic asexual guys, but not sexual enough in behaviour for those on the more sexual end of the asexual spectrum, or for heterosexuals.

I usually attracted the highly sexual guys. The ones who like sex, regularly, daily. When I’m not interested in having sex myself. I don’t mind if a guy finds me sexy or hot, so long as he doesn’t expect me to have sex with him.

I have had sex in the past and been in heterosexual relationships for over half of my life. My first heterosexual boyfriend was at 6 years old. I loved passionate kissing back then, but never anything sexual. We were both the same age.

I have even had some asexual guys getting turned on by me, even just texting them about the way I like to kiss. Not talking about sex.

Some gay guys even think I am “hot” or “pretty”, and they are attracted to guys!!!

I am naked repulsed and I am attracted to a guys face and frame, not below the waist.

I find guys more attractive with their clothes on. And have clothes attraction. So I am attracted to guys who wear certain types of clothes. I particularly like the street look, or a black and white suit – two extremes, I know…

Kissing with clothes on, is far more naturally arousing and exciting than having sex, in my opinion. And I specialise in passion without sex.

I prefer to watch movies without any sex and nudity in them and purposefully look for those. I don’t like nudity in films, TV, sculptures or paintings. And I do no sex film reviews and no sex movie reviews on my channel. Here is the playlist for that in the video below. Or you can find it here:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6sdIToxIi4dKvfaZf_YFraYqEMyGEzLV

I remembered my mission is to get asexuality recognised as a sexual orientation throughout the globe, so that the stigma of those not experiencing sexual attraction, is dropped, and no asexual has to live in fear of ridicule ever again. Also for asexuals and allosexuals to understand each other better, to create more deep and harmonious relationships with each other.

I thought back to all the life, dating, and past sexual relationships experiences I had. As well as all the personal and professional training I have done since 2012. And all the dating and relationships education I have immersed myself in, for the past years.

And I decided, with all the above points in mind, all the experience and knowledge I have to help people with their dating and relationships, and considering the fact I was in heterosexual relationships for over half my life, and have a somewhat erogenous side to my character, that I would need to help sexuals too. This helps me to reach a more global audience about asexuality, and particularly get through to the world’s largest sexuality – heterosexuality. The more sexuals I help, the more asexuals I help. Thus I came up with the brand Erogenousity. Which unlike my Asexualise brand and all the work I do for asexuals, (and will continue to do), will be predominantly aimed at the more sexual market, and in particular heterosexuals. Although you don’t have to have sex in order to be passionate, sensual and erogenous. I officially launch my Erogenousity channel very soon here https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOSRlMro_YXCDRQuW96S7Ig Subscribe now and hit the bell icon, so you don’t miss any future episodes!

So if you are a guy or girl, looking for more passion, more sensuality and satisfaction, in your dating and relationships, be sure to subscribe to Erogenousity here https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOSRlMro_YXCDRQuW96S7Ig

If you are new to asexuality, which is a sexual orientation that is the lack of sexual attraction, sign up for a FREE Asexuality Basics For Beginners Course here www.asexualiseacademy.com

To find out more about asexuality, visit my other site www.asexualise.com , which is an asexual blog for asexuals, featuring products and resources for asexuals.

If you want asexual coaching, on any aspect of asexual life, dating and relationships, and you fall anywhere on the asexual spectrum, email me asexualise@gmail.com or hit me up in the chat bubble.

If you want dating or relationship coaching and you are not asexual – so you are sexual, hit me up in the chat box, or email me sandrabellamygroup@gmail.com for a price.

I don’t do one-to-one coaching for Free. You have my videos on my channels if you want free advice. Subscribe to Asexualise My Asexual Life channel if you are asexual, here Asexualise My Asexual Life and hit the bell icon, so you don’t miss any future episodes!

Asexual Perspectives Book Happy Customer.
Find more happy customers here: https://amzn.to/2Jqmedk

Asexual Flag